Please sir may I have another smart bulb?

There are times in life when we feel like the mean person in our neighborhood growing up. You remember that person they were always on their front yard yelling at the kids that were wandering past their yard. Always angry at the world. There are times I feel like that person now. Standing on my architectural lawn and yelling at the passing people.

Today my frustration is sponsored by the word SMART. Two of things don’t go with the other. Which one is the odd one out? Smart shoes, Smart light bulbs and of course smart cars? Well the reality is Smart Car is a brand, the other two is just well wrong.

A light bulb you can turn off or turn on is not smart.

Shoes that tell you how you’ve walked are not smart.

The reality of IoT devices and the transitive property of logic, doesn’t make the darn things smart. Let’s put a chip into asphalt and make smart roads. Smart lamp posts move out of the way of drivers at night. Add smart to your life. Smart shoes don’t need to be tied. They don’t step in puddles and most importantly they never allow you to trip. They are after all “smart.”

Smart cities as well. Seriously. I get the concept. It isn’t smart. Unless smart actually is an acronym then it would be ok. Smart: Simonized, managed artistic response technology. That is smart. Or simple, measurable, actionable reliable technology also smart. Light bulbs? Not smart. Stop putting the word smart in front of things you are trying to automate and call them smart.

IoST the Internet of smart things. Seriously? A smart light bulb, or for that matter smart city lighting would read the mood of the person and provide proper lighting. That said if your intent was wellbeing up to no good, city lighting should turn on full blast. No shadows for those with ill intent.

The problem with smart things is security. If the item is truly smart, then by default it knows more and therefore if breached offers more access to more systems. Dumb things deployed and connected can be hacked as well but they don’t know as much. Dumb sensors simply monitor and measure.

Truly smart light bulbs would know about all the light bulbs in your house. That means if someone wants to break into your house, they CAN DISABLE THE LIGHTS by hacking one smart bulb. Dumb bulbs wouldn’t have that problem.

It’s not that I am against automation or cities that have intelligent systems. Or homes that have automation to make life easier. I am a huge proponent. I just want people to realize that throwing smart in front of something doesn’t make it, well smart. It just gives it a high faulting name.

Today, for the price of 9.99 I have available the newest, smartest and coolest product that has ever been released. Smart Rock – it just a rock. It’s a smart rock. Hold the smart in your hand. Have papers on your desk that are blowing in the wind? Smart rock can help. That’s right just put smart rock on those loose papers and well they aren’t loose anymore. Smart rock fixed your problem. Too many light sons in your living room? Simply raise smart tock to one of the smart bulbs and smash the smart bolt with the smart rock. No lights. Smart rock saves the day.

Power out and you need to do laundry? No problem Smart Rock to the rescue. Simply got to the nearest body of semi-clean water and taking your direct clothes, some soap and smart rock, beat the clothes and soap with smart rock. Instant laundry! That’s right smart rock can not only do your laundry, save you from papers flying away, fix over lit rooms but smart rock also makes a wonderful pillow and when stuck on a desert island – a good friend. Don’t however, because of copyright issues, name your smart rock Wilson.

Smart rock is also an alternative home entry system for when you lose your keys. Simply the most amazing rock ever.

Just $9.99. Oh yeah with shipping and handling extra.

Just because you use a smart word, doesn’t make the object smart. It does make me wonder about the person that picks the names.

Now, if your smart light bulb tells you a joke, then we are talking. Until that happens it is just an automated light bulb. Marketing adds 2 dollars to the overall cost to pay for their now overdue newspaper subscription and just because they put smart in front of the bulb. Automated bulbs cost $2 less and do the same thing.


Deployer of dumb bulbs. Inventor of SMART ROCK!