Aging, loss and being a father

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about ways we could make the world a better place. I suspect that is as much be being a father as it is me being a “futurist.” Dad’s worry about things like where will my kids end up and will they be happy. It comes with the injection they give you right after you hold your kid for the first time.

So what does the future hold? For many years I believed in the old song “Que Sera Sera” whatever will be will be. But I’ve come recently to realize there is a missing pause in that statement. A momentary glimpse caused by a pause rather than a simple statement without the pause.

Whatever will be, (pause, wait for affect check your watch hold your breath smile) will be. It’s almost a fatalistic view when you add the pause (pre-determined, told, made so, destiny). You see in that pause we are all uncomfortable. We all live in that pause. That is the line between what is, and what will be.

I’ve lost a friend to something every decade of my life except the first one. I was sixteen when one of my friends died of Aids. From there every 10 years was filled with a death. Is death what will be? Of course it is, we all die at some point. This life we live ends. We move to something else (pending of course your personal belief system) that is hopefully better. But this life ends.

So the pause is critical. The pause defines us as human beings. The pause is what makes us human.

Our oldest dog is 15 years old. She joined our family in Cincinnati Ohio and has moved with us twice (once in Cincinnati and then to Indianapolis). She is blind now and can barely make it out of the bedroom. She still comes out to share the family popcorn (she was, when younger able to snatch popcorn kernels 4 and 5 feet off the ground in a graceful leaping catch). But she is fading. You can see less light in her eyes now as she struggles to stand up. It is the covenant she and I signed when she joined our family. I will protect you.

I wonder what will be.

I do not wish my fear to make Gwen suffer. But I do not wish to make that choice that people make to end the suffering yet. Whatever will be, will be.

 

.doc